Inside the Secret Facebook Group Where Women Review Men They’ve Dated
There aren’t any good single men around there in New York City. This is what everyone continues to tell us. When Deanna* relocated into the city in the latter part of 2021 It was her turn to investigate if there’s any truth to that assertion. Recently single after her long-time boyfriend broke up with her on Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was at this time that a secret Facebook group known as Is You Dating the Same Guy NYC came up as a suggested follow. The group had a very thorough prescreening process and community guidelines that created a barrier for entry. The group was comprised of 43,000 people. Deanna was intrigued and she joined.
The community
The community-which began with the sole intention of helping women check if their romantic prospects were seeing another person-was launched in the month of March 2022. A majority of the major US city has one of these groups now, and the rules are clear: Anyone is allowed to post anonymously. There is no censorship or sharing sensitive data, and in no case can screenshots be deleted from the group. No bullies, no victim-blaming and no hate speech. Don’t ever tell a person that they’ve been listed in the group. Following the scandal from West Elm Caleb, who was a man with whom numerous women from New York shared negative dating experiences and also connected the dots on the web, it was clear that many women were looking to find a way to seek out others like him.by link https://datingfortodaysman.com/ website One TikTok user was saying during the day This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
That’s pretty much the way this group was in the year Deanna joined. Each iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a gathering site for women seeking love advice or provide advice on men who they’ve had bad experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is this practice that involves sending other women to lure them through social media, has also become a norm. It’s not difficult to fall down a down a rabbit hole of screenshotted Hinge profiles, tales of hookups gone wrong, and memes that discuss the problems of modern-day dating. Many of the most popular posts feature pictures that show a man wearing his name asking what kind of person has matched or been a date with the person who is in question. Red-flag emojis are an often sight on seemingly unimportant but alarming posts that warn the audience of an ex or a bad date that are usually accompanied by a downward arrow and the depressing text See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our choices in recent years, with one recent study finding that about 39 percent of heterosexual couples meet their partner online. So it’s only natural the romantic side of romance should be modified to fit the current digital age. Instead of having a conversation with small groups of acquaintances over a drink or chatting with coworkers, we are now seeking advice from four thousand women who are experiencing similar-and in some cases precisely the same experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie one of the group member. Not to say that there’s not certain privileges, but it was certainly beneficial for me in terms of rethinking my perspective on dating. There’s nothing to do among women. It’s it is holding men to a far higher quality than I did before.
It’s obvious to me that some of the behavior that’s promoted and facilitated by Are We the Dating the Same Guy can be alarming if it was displayed by potential suitors. Photos, details of private conversations, and screenshots posted without the other party’s consent or knowledge are numerous. Users search through social media profiles on a frequent basis. It doesn’t take long to have a relationship to be the center of attention. Although Deanna is a fan of being part of the group, she’s got some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she declares. But I think you encounter the issue that it becomes an echo chamber of ‘Men have been pushing us around for so long and now we’re going to take it back.
We are still living in a patriarchal culture
We live in an environment of patriarchy. Therefore, until we’re truly equal, these online interactions will have different reverberations depending on the culture of each individual. Yet, can a group of this sort really provide active empowerment on one side of the coin and deplorable terror in the form of incels on the other? Are We Dating the Same Guy? The same guy is hyperlocal and social-only useful to those who live or date in the city the group is based in. The women, and the men they profile can be your neighbor and coworker or friend, family member, or the most recent Hinge match. And yet there’s a depersonalization that occurs when operating on the internet, making it feel like playing something you play. It’s not too far to argue that this can be considered as a snub the people in both groups-especially when the details of private conversations, personal interactions including photos, can be shared without knowledge or consent, often just for the sake of entertainment.